The 23 Second Delight
Strategies for Injecting Fun Into Your Life
Let’s take a break from contentious societal issues highlighted in prior issues of Provoked. On diversity initiatives. Ostracism. Disingenuousness. Persuasion. Parenting. Misassumptions about aging. Barriers to group creativity. Cowardly TED speakers. Why you can’t trust scientists. Rethinking The Dark Triad of personality.
To invigorate a new year, remember that the building blocks of a desirable life are nothing more than moments. We can train ourselves to be sensitive to rewarding moments. In any situation, there are four choice points for extracting greater joy or meaning.
Psychologist James Gross at Stanford University illustrates how we can use the self to alter the self. An experience can be disrupted and enhanced across four choice points.
The 1st choice point is whether to enter a situation (e.g., dancing with courage and gusto or a half-assed attempt to minimize embarrassment).
The 2nd choice point is what we direct our attention towards (e.g., when on stage, acknowledging crowd members smiling and laughing or distracted characters fiddling with smartphones
The 3rd choice point centers on mental judgments derived about our actions, others actions, and the world (e.g., how much we believe negative events are personal, permanent, and pervasive).
The 4th choice point is about how emotions experienced are expressed (e.g., we might feel demoralized after falling on the basketball court and go into a downward spiral or use constructive self-talk to reset the mind and body).1
Within these 4 choice points lie ample opportunity to find and design delights. This is my one suggestion for the days that lie ahead: Intentionally Notice and Relish small delights.2 Besides fleshing out a grand philosophy for your life, as you go about your daily activities, increase your chances of collecting moments that are personally valuable by hunting for them, savoring them, and sharing them - in a journal or in a text or conversation with others. Anyone who wishes to have a good life can miss small, potent vitality boosters such as...
Waking up a few minutes before the alarm clock buzzes.
Draining grease from a fresh batch of bacon in paper towels - ensuring that shit will not be digested.
Watching a restaurant server catch a wine glass before it falls off a serving tray.
Receiving a high five after nailing an off-balance back hand shot in pickleball.
Passing a grandfather who treats his 3-year-old grandson as a conversational companion, listening and responding to his novel observations.
Allow me to share my greatest delight this week…
As a fan of hardcore rock, rare is the day when someone doesn’t deride my musical taste. But not yesterday. Playing music during a suburgatory trip to Chipotle, my 10-year-old daughter asked - what is this song? Text me a link. I got it. I know exactly what I want to do with this song. She experienced a burst of inspiration from a song that hit radio stations three decades ago. A brief, blended psychological experience that often is lost in the daily grind.
Curiosity.
Creativity.
Spontaneity.
Nostalgia.
Connection.
Delight.
In just a few minutes, she produced a 23 second interpretation of Ministry’s 1992 underappreciated gem, Jesus Built My Hotrod. She swapped out the self-assuredness for what she felt was missing: a self-deprecating tone.3 I didn't care about what she created. What mesmerized me was the speed of her perspective getting, taking, and reinventing. As an additional moment of delight, you can imagine our playful, convoluted conversation afterwards about what she thinks the lyrics mean.
If you click the link below, I ask you to think less about the work itself and more about the power of adult-child moments. How are you putting work, phones, and the itching desire to do something around the house on the backburner to have and hold onto these moments with the next generation? Because these delights are what linger in our memory banks.
These momentary delights define the quality of a day. Collect sufficient days like this and therein lies a desirable week, month, year, and life well-lived. It requires a willingness to be present in the unfolding situation (Choice Point 1), attention to what is possible (Choice Point 2), a judgment that this is a worthwhile use of time and energy (Choice Point 3), and an undiluted expression of what you feel with companions (Choice Point 4).
If you are too self-focused, you miss the opening.
If you are too distracted by devices, you miss the opening.
Be the guy/gal constantly searching for delights.
Then, and only then, will you discover how frequently they arise.
Good tidings come to those who suck moments dry.
Deep connections arrive from the gradual, reciprocal sharing of these moments.
Provocation
Rehash your own delightful moment from the past 24 hours. It could be a social interaction where you felt heard or jumped a few rungs of intimacy. It could be something outdoors that captured your senses. It could be a calculated risk taken by you or someone else. Catalogue your personal moments. Retrain your brain to dwell on these moments during rest and duress.
The best way to support this work is by spreading the word. Click the share button (and the free ❤️ button). For more on building a better life, read The Art of Insubordination: How to Dissent and Defy Effectively.
This performance on December 11, 2021 was not the only time Connor Williams at a height of 7 feet and weight of 360 pounds crushed it on the basketball court. He is considered America’s heart in basketball for his mental fortitude.
Credit is due to the writings of Catherine Price. In particular, read The Power of Fun.
My words, not hers. I am remiss for failing to capture her dialogue because it was so good. In my defense, I was giddy to see this side project unfold and wasn’t thinking about posting details for posterity.