While walking my 9-year-old daughter Violet to elementary school, we pass “the little physicist in the Radio Flyer Red Wagon.” Always in matching pajama tops and bottoms. Always pulled by his grandfather.1
The little physicist parks the wagon in front of a speed bump.
The grandfather ramps up anticipatory excitement:
“Here comes another car, get ready!”
“Let’s see if this expensive sports car drives too fast."
“I think sparks are gonna fly.”2
The grandfather and his boy clap if a car, truck, or motorcycle drives at fast clips with the suspension system scraping against the speed bump. If there is a leak of hydraulic fluid, noxious sound effect, or “lightning bolts,” even better.
The little physicist draws conclusions about cause and effect. Ensuring lessons stick, the grandfather offers post-mortem commentary.
"I didn’t expect to see so much lightning with that one, did you?”
“That was a smart, slow driver.”
“That guy didn’t even notice the bump, no wonder it made so much noise.”
The grandfather doesn’t treat the child as an underdeveloped adult - someone who must pass an exam to discuss physics. This 3-year old is treated as a conversational companion. While the little physicist contributes little in the verbal department, his reactions are what makes the excursion fun and meaningful.
The boy no longer just points at sparks.
Now he points at big trucks 10 meters away, predicting a “big boom!”
He sits quietly, almost disappointed, as a slow moving minivan hugs the speed bump (typically a conscientious women driver).3
The boy feels empowered.
The boy improves his predictive models about the world.
Each of us has a role in caring for the next generation. This is not just the province of parents and teachers.
We might ask: what can be done to increase the odds that children reach their human potential?
Do not tout curiosity. Work with curiosity. Talk to youth about the world. If they ask about death, taxes, war, or politics, resist the temptation to say, “don’t worry about that” or “it’s complicated” or “you’re too young to understand.” Manage your impatience and respond in depth. Give them a foothold and handhold to make sense of the world they inhabit.
One of my theories for why kids are more psychologically fragile today than past generations is how adults communicate with them. Adults assume kids are weak in intelligence and critical thinking.
Be the grandfather raising a 3-year old physicist. There are few activities more fun and important.
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Extra Curiosities
It’s been 14 years since I published my first book on curiosity. Now that curiosity is a hot topic, I created a new talk on “Cultivating Curiosity” as part of the PrevailWellnessAcademy virtual summit. Get access to this talk and 25 other speakers. You get access to these well-being talks for a year. Click this link for an insanely low early bird price.
This podcast episode with The Art of Coaching is one of my favorites. We talk about the link between curiosity, creativity, and how to design a more utopian society. Enjoy and let me know what you think.
Catch the whimsical Beastie Boys documentary by Spike Jonze about their personal evolution. Warning: you will get emotional. Sit with it.
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Dr. Todd B. Kashdan is the author of The Art of Insubordination: How to Dissent and Defy Effectively (Avery/Penguin) and a Professor of Psychology who leads The Well-Being Laboratory at George Mason University.
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Which reminds me of an unforgettable childhood movie that falls into the category of “no way they could make that shit today!” A wealthy man living in a mansion has no time to play with his kid. Instead of recalibrating his out of whack work-family priorities, he hires Richard Pryor to be his kid’s toy. If you get past the sketchy racial overtones of 1982, what you will find is a comedic gem filled with a ton of life lessons that is far more entertaining that the current crop of self-help books.
Let’s be clear, there is only one answer to this question. What is the most underappreciated alternative rock band in the 1990’s? The answer is Catherine Wheel. If you never heard them, do yourself a favor and play my favorite song of all time - Black Metallic. It’s slower than you think, except for the exceptional instrumental mayhem at the 6 minute mark. Contact me on LinkedIn to let me know what you think. Many of my friendships started with a mutual love affair for this track.
That’s right, sex differences exist. It’s amazing that this even has to be verbalized in society. It’s because beliefs about the sexes do not tell us much about the sexes. Rely on high-quality data, no intuition. Definitely do no rely on the intuition of people with a strongly vested political interest in whether sex differences do not exist or are massive and irreconcilable. For plenty of scientific research to explain to your friends that sex is irrelevant, just read through the work of the most precise thinker on this topic, Dr. Janet Hyde. To be clear, most differences between men and women tend to be rather small and in some contexts, sex is irrelevant. As society changes, because environmental factors matters, we might expect differences in these differences in the future.