The Peculiar Language of Love
The Peculiar Language of Love
Baffling Behaviors That Speak Volumes
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As a teenager, if I wanted to meditate one activity worked best: bodybuilding.
If I wanted to conserve mental energy one activity guaranteed success: The Jerry Springer Show
I only recall three episodes. The storyline is identical. A guy is on stage with his girlfriend, professing love. He says the words. He offers poetic prose. All the while, the audience knows this is a prelude for a horrifying reveal. I love you…but I slept with your cousin (episode 1), sister (episode 2), or mother (episode 3). It is absolutely insane that people did this for attention and a green room with free Pringles and Gatorade (resist reading a retrospective of Springer’s 10 worst moments).
I remember these episodes because I referenced them when dating. This show stole my appreciation of the words “I love you.” If these characters could say it under those conditions, then the words lost their luster (scientists refer to this as bracket-creep - click here for a similar problem around the broadened use of the word trauma).
Expressing Love Your Own Way
When a word loses meaning consider finding an alternative expression. For such a powerful sentiment as love, why not be creative. Let me count a few ways:
If someone can be called upon for picking you up for the airport at an ungodly hour, know you are loved. Platonic love. Romantic love. Ethical or unethical non-monogamous love. It is easy to say no in an Uber world. Thus, if someone demands to bring you home, be confident that relationship is safe, secure, and meaningful.
As if you are more coherent at 3am in a tequila haze… What was once the mixed tape is now the personalized playlist. We’re not talking about sharing an occasional song that might be of interest to someone. We’re talking about an odyssey of tracks that describe someone, capture nostalgic experiences, or offer an aspirational vision of the future. It is a carefully curated creative act that offers daily dividends during the commute or workout of the receiver.
Gen Z can try to mimic it but they just don’t get it… I often wish a scribe existed throughout my youth, taking copious notes of my playground conversations , 3-hour phone calls with Liz Lebolt, long drives to nowhere with Jon Millman, and whatever I said to my twin brother as we waited at the bus stop for interminable winter days. It’s a damn shame when working memory forgets to pass the baton to short-term memory who then has to shrug as long-term memory gets irate, screaming why can’t you fucking retain the good stuff. In this autobiographical blackhole, there is an irreplaceable gift opportunity: A detailed log of lost moments. When someone sits you down, fleshing out details of forgotten, potent moments, it is an act of love. Time spent with you is worthy enough to retain and share later. Moments are the building blocks of the narrative we weave about our identity. Blessed are those who can refine/improve the architectural framework of our life narratives (read more about this deep level of our personality - here).
Creativity as an Act of Love
While insufficient time is spent appreciating Big-C creativity1 - such as Darwin’s theory of evolution (and the 37 thinkers who preceded him - click here for a Chapter I wrote about them) even less time is spent appreciating Little-C creativity - such as the unique ways that we can share loving sentiments toward friends, family, and lovers. No two people should express love the same way if there is attention to what makes the person you love and the relationship that exists unlike any other…
Leave a comment and help others by detailing your own approach to expressing love. If you enjoyed this, please spread the word! Or click the heart button (always appreciated). Leave suggestions, constructive criticisms, and dare I say, a few positive words about what resonated. Leave comments here or on LinkedIn or Instagram or Twitter.
Extra Curiosities
If you possess interest in living a life with purpose, do not miss this episode of the incredibly named Philosophical Weightlifting podcast. Listen on Spotify or Watch on Youtube here:
For more on building and maintaining meaningful relationships, check out my award-winning book, The Art of Insubordination: How to Dissent and Defy Effectively. Get a copy to a recent high school and college graduate!
"When someone sits you down, fleshing out details of forgotten, potent moments, it is an act of love." This hit me in the feels! Here's another song recommendation, which is both NSFW and appropriate for a max deadlift attempt https://open.spotify.com/track/4DzJ41A6qR14hHtS1djvdX?si=tKf_Q6oPTASlK2_8CN7MqQ
Remembering the antics of our childhood, with my friends, who have blessed me for almost 70 years, it never ceases to amaze me how our friendship memories light the fire of our continued joy together. We know we are each other’s blessings. Thanks for a wonderful post that reminded me how lucky I am. And we keep fanning the flames with that fire despite our age. It only gets better remembering. Thanks so much, Todd.