This is the kind of date that steals my breath. Yes to all of that. Thanks for sharing such a poetic, dreamy nostalgic moment that too few people have, and that everyone needs.
Focus. On one person. That’s what we all want to receive and hopefully give. And it gets harder as technology creates artificial barriers to our attentional system.
As a blah white liberal man who’s lived all over the world, I’ve found the essence to enjoyably being with any person is curiosity, focus, humbleness and kindness, not kindness. I don’t understand niceness, am definitely not a nice person. Interesting perhaps... my arrogance is boundless...
I once had a sex date with a sweet man in London who became a decades long friend. There was a large age difference between us - I was the late-40’s fantasy bearded massive porn daddy, he was the late-20’s nervous newbie. We walked through London from Drury Lane to dinner one fateful summer evening (I thought a cab might be better) and he had to experience waves of people in Covent Gardent stopping to gawk at me (i resemble a bizarre 240lb pro-bodybuilder version of Santa Claus in skintight clothes) touts at SoHo gay bars we walked past jumping out to pull me in, men touching my arms and muscles along the way (I did warn him) until we arrived at the restaurant Balans, where the maître d’ gave us a window table at prime time ahead of the line and men streamed along the sidewalk and from the bar opposite to gawk at flesh.
We had a great dinner and fascinating conversation, and I thought the poor man was going to cry by the end of the evening - the kind of summer evening where the sun never seems to quite go down, and you don’t want the evening to stop.
He sent a long hand-written letter to my hotel the next day- his recent Oxonian background really didn’t spellbind me (to his despair: I’m am not an automatic Anglophile), but my attention was nevertheless entirely focused on him all evening amidst the hubbub as we developed a private language of bad Greek-Latin Harry Potter spells for fun (while I made self-deprecating jokes to defuse the tension). I was genuinely intensely curious about him and his life, and made sure at all times he felt comfortable and enjoyed the notoriety I generated as a participant, not an observer.
Curiosity, focus, humbleness, and then kindness. Can’t beat it.
Love this post. My extremely humble and wonderful mom would often tell me to be kind to everyone. Why? I asked her. She said because you never really know what’s going on inside someone. To take the time to talk and listen.
I absolutely agree. I definitely do not mean to apply that kindness is the apex predator of virtues.
You actually raise an interesting question and I wonder what other people think is the apex or nucleus of virtues?
This is the kind of date that steals my breath. Yes to all of that. Thanks for sharing such a poetic, dreamy nostalgic moment that too few people have, and that everyone needs.
Focus. On one person. That’s what we all want to receive and hopefully give. And it gets harder as technology creates artificial barriers to our attentional system.
Intetrgrity is a more important virtue than niceness, which could be sugarcoated deception.
As a blah white liberal man who’s lived all over the world, I’ve found the essence to enjoyably being with any person is curiosity, focus, humbleness and kindness, not kindness. I don’t understand niceness, am definitely not a nice person. Interesting perhaps... my arrogance is boundless...
I once had a sex date with a sweet man in London who became a decades long friend. There was a large age difference between us - I was the late-40’s fantasy bearded massive porn daddy, he was the late-20’s nervous newbie. We walked through London from Drury Lane to dinner one fateful summer evening (I thought a cab might be better) and he had to experience waves of people in Covent Gardent stopping to gawk at me (i resemble a bizarre 240lb pro-bodybuilder version of Santa Claus in skintight clothes) touts at SoHo gay bars we walked past jumping out to pull me in, men touching my arms and muscles along the way (I did warn him) until we arrived at the restaurant Balans, where the maître d’ gave us a window table at prime time ahead of the line and men streamed along the sidewalk and from the bar opposite to gawk at flesh.
We had a great dinner and fascinating conversation, and I thought the poor man was going to cry by the end of the evening - the kind of summer evening where the sun never seems to quite go down, and you don’t want the evening to stop.
He sent a long hand-written letter to my hotel the next day- his recent Oxonian background really didn’t spellbind me (to his despair: I’m am not an automatic Anglophile), but my attention was nevertheless entirely focused on him all evening amidst the hubbub as we developed a private language of bad Greek-Latin Harry Potter spells for fun (while I made self-deprecating jokes to defuse the tension). I was genuinely intensely curious about him and his life, and made sure at all times he felt comfortable and enjoyed the notoriety I generated as a participant, not an observer.
Curiosity, focus, humbleness, and then kindness. Can’t beat it.
Love this post. My extremely humble and wonderful mom would often tell me to be kind to everyone. Why? I asked her. She said because you never really know what’s going on inside someone. To take the time to talk and listen.