3 Instructions for Maximizing a Moment
Mixing Poetry and Science to Live Better
Provoked is read in all 50 US states and 101 countries (Mongolians are missing out). Please share this with your friends. It's particularly useful for those grappling with ADHD, seeking to end stagnant friendships, coping with ostracism and isolation at work, or aiming to enrich romantic relationships in novel ways, and so much more.
I.
On a journey home from New York City to DC aboard an Amtrak train, I nestled into my seat, Bose headphones securely over my ears, ready to lose myself in thought. Unexpectedly, the adjacent woman chatted me up. With a boldness that caught me off guard, she announced she was 53, married, and added with a playful glint in her eye, "If I weren't, you'd be exactly my type." Her candidness left me momentarily speechless. All I managed to muster was, "Wow, that’s a lot to throw out at once. Where do I begin, besides thanking you?"
Just as we were settling into this camaraderie, the train's announcer chimed in, "Please sit in your assigned seat only, the train is packed." Casually, we both pulled out our tickets, only to realize we'd both instinctively sat in the right seats, but they were each other's. A moment of shared amusement passed between us as we exchanged knowing smiles - maybe the universe is trying to say something but nah, the timing is off.
I hold many mantras. Such as:
The building blocks for creating a fulfilling live are nothing more than fulfilling moments.
There’s a poem by Mary Oliver called “Sometimes” where she alludes to the same sentiment.
Instructions for living a life:
Pay attention.
Be astonished.
Tell about it.
Embrace this practice regularly. Our lab's studies reveal a few extra perks, aside from the immediate joy of sharing. You recall more specifics. The positive emotions from the event intensify. Sharing acts like a megaphone, amplifying the goodness of our experiences.
As for me with my Amtrak train moment, I overlooked the finest detail until now - the seating arrangement!
Gift yourself a stronger, richer, narrative about what you do and who you are. Simple, consistent well-being habits can build an extraordinary life over time, just like compound interest. One such habit? Blend focused attention, a sense of wonder, and shared responsiveness.
Provocations
We assume more knowledge about loved ones than we think. These types of incurious assumptions are often a death knell blow to long-term relationships.
Experience Swap: Swap a 'day in the life' with a friend or loved one. Follow their routine and have them follow yours. Afterwards, share your experiences and insights. This can amplify your understanding of their life and create a deeper bond between you.
Upcoming Events
I'll be giving a brand new keynote on curiosity and workshop on purpose in life for educators at the Learning & the Brain Conference on April 18-20 in NYC. Where you too can have an Amtrak moment…
It’s one of my favorite conferences because people ask tough, interesting questions. Some amazing speakers who will be there include my collaborator
, the brilliant contributor to our understanding of Autism, Simon Baron-Cohen, and my favorite education workshop facilitator, Richard Cash. If you come, be sure to ping me so we can meet.Read Past Issues Here Including:
Exclusive Preview: Unveiling the Details of My Upcoming Book
This is the first in a series of exclusive posts on the next book I am publishing. It will be more transparent than anything I’ve written on my life as an author. To get started, here’s a quick retrospective on my first three books. Book I. My debut came out unexpectedly. A New York Times reporter, curious about a college course I created titled the Science of Well-Being in 2004, shadowed me for a semester. This resulted in a front-page feature in the Sunday Magazine, titled
I think you almost have a great book title here - emotional alchemy.
Right. Change the order and you have a very different psychological experience. There’s that mental switch - oooh this is going to be a story I tell ____ and then the cognitive systems active differently. Thanks for this add on!