Would the World Be Better Without Narcissism?

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Narcissism, often painted as pure dysfunction, is a personality trait that receives quite a bit of attention.

Enough interest exists to produce bestsellers - here.

Craig is one of my favorite thinkers on the topic - here.

It's characterized by a series of qualities that exist to varying degrees in different individuals:

• Grandiosity: A sense of superiority and a preoccupation with fantasies of success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love.

• Need for Admiration: A need for excessive fawning attention.

• Sense of Entitlement: Expecting special treatment or compliance with their expectations.

• Lack of Empathy: Difficulty or unwillingness to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others.

• Envy: Believing others desire something they have and without it, feel a sense of inferiority.

• Exploitative Behavior: Willingness to take advantage of others to achieve their own ends.

Besides the last quality on the list, let me ask.

What would life be like without a single drop of narcissism?

Would that make you a better person, or would it rob you of essential human qualities?

Imagine a world where you never put yourself first, where your needs and desires always take a backseat. You're perpetually self-effacing, never asserting your worth or standing up for your rights. You refuse to showcase strengths in public situations, depriving others of what you can do well, regularly - that often benefits them. This is the world of zero narcissism. It's a world devoid of self-promotion, ambition, and the drive to stand out. It's where you dissolve into the background, reluctant to shine.

A small-to-moderate level of narcissism can be beneficial. It can motivate you to strive for success, courageously pursue ambitious goals, and remain undeterred by obstacles.

Kobe Bryant - The Healthy Model

Consider the concept of narcissistic admiration, the healthier side of narcissism. It's about promoting oneself, striving for uniqueness, and behaving charmingly towards others. These behaviors can lead to positive social outcomes such as being perceived as attractive, gaining social status, achieving success, and being chosen to lead others.

In my classes and workshops, I use the image above to discuss the healthy and unhealthy sides of narcissism (plus I dissect the psychopathic insides of President Teddy Roosevelt - click here for a 33-page chapter).

Kobe Bryant, the Black Mamba, exemplified a unique form of "healthy narcissism." It's a term that might raise eyebrows, but let's unpack it.

Kobe's narcissism wasn't about arrogance or entitlement. It was a steadfast belief in his capabilities and an unyielding drive to excel. This man would claim half the team's court before games to sharpen his skills. That meant 17 professional basketball players on the Lakers had to cram into the other side.

He was the earliest arrival in the gym, refining shots, mastering footwork, pushing his endurance. And he played long after his teammates wrapped up. His dedication manifested in five NBA championships, two Olympic gold medals, and an enduring legacy.

Kobe's narcissism was embedded in his mindset. He never shied away from taking the game's final shot, and would verbally attack when others tried to claim the spotlight. He pushed his teammates with yelling, insults, and violent elbows, demanding their best - so they could be the best. And many on her record that it was anxiety-provoking to be disrespected and mistreated by him. Others will say he elevated their game.

In a world quick to stigmatize narcissism, carefully examine Kobe Bryant. He demonstrated that self-belief, when paired with relentless effort and a pursuit of excellence, can yield extraordinary outcomes. His Lakers coach captures this best:

So, here's to the Black Mamba, a testament to believing in one's greatness. Kobe knew he was exceptional at basketball. He also thought he was brilliant. Fluent in Italian, having spent a significant part of childhood in Italy. Proficient in Spanish. He even learned Serbian and Slovenian to trash talk with international teammates in the middle of games! This psychological tactic left opponents bewildered and in awe. Because here’s the thing: Kobe was incredible. He showed us that he was every bit as amazing as he believed he was.

Not everyone wants to pursue greatness. Not everyone is going to support or like you for such audaciousness. If you go this route, there is a necessary courage required. The courage to be disliked (great book title).

Provocations

A world devoid of narcissism is suboptimal. A hint of narcissism is better than none. Hence, I pose these questions:

• Would you really want your loved ones, children, and/or business partners to be completely devoid of narcissism? On a narcissism scale from 0 to 100, would you want them to score a zero?

• Or, would you prefer that this powerful energy be harnessed for personal success and the benefit of others?

  Find out your own level of narcissism - here. Share your thoughts on what you scored and why in the comments

Extra Curiosities:

1. The Training: Join me in the audience for a free webinar titled “Purpose, Meaning and Values: Understanding the Positive Organisation.” Sponsored by the Positive Organisational Scholarship Community of Practice (POS COP) with Drs. Suzy Green (beloved friend of mine) and Rosemary Sainty (who I don’t know yet but must be lovely because she’s working with Suzy). To register, click here.

2. The Listen: My episode of the The Mountain Top Podcast dropped. This is a playful, wide-ranging discussion. What is the tradeoff between being a curious, independent thinker and simply keeping your head down? In situations where we suspect ‘groupthink’, how do we find the right words and/or the right person to talk to about it? When should we seek allies to help us make our case? How is humility relevant to being a principled rebel? Scot is the type of interviewer I love - full of vitality. Enjoy it here:

3. The Read: Besides signing up for the webinar above, do join me in reading the new definitive guide to meaning in the workplace - here. Any author who references Prince’s Raspberry Beret, Clerks, and the FIRE movement (Financial Independence, Retire Early) grabs my attention.

   

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Todd B. Kashdan is an author of several books including The Upside of Your Dark Side (Penguin) and The Art of Insubordination: How to Dissent and Defy Effectively (Avery/Penguin) and Professor of Psychology and Leader of The Well-Being Laboratory at George Mason University.

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