Violent Soccer Parents, Botched Plastic Surgeries, and the Underappreciated Fact that Most Rebellions are Boring
Know the Unsung Heroes, Be an Unsung Hero, Support Them
I stood at my daughter’s soccer tournament this weekend, surrounded by a boisterous group of parents from the opposing team. You know the type—loud, urging their 18-year-old daughters to sprint faster while they clutch a Big Gulp with both hands.
During the game, a girl from my daughter’s team nudged an opponent out of bounds with an elbow. The referee swiftly intervened, warning her loudly enough for me to hear from 30 yards away: "This is the last push that will be tolerated." A dad, just two people away from me, chimed in unsolicited, "And the next time she smiles, someone is going to knock her teeth out!" My fingers curled into a fist. Because every girl on my daughter’s team is basically my daughter, under my protection. I took a deep breath, exhaled slowly, and resisted the first seven retorts that sprang to mind. Instead, I leaned over, "You do know the girl you’re talking about is a kid…and you’re a grown man talking about punching her." Two seconds later, the woman between us placed a hand over his mouth and said, "He’s sorry." And that was it. Not another rude word was uttered.
Sometimes rebellions are quiet.1 A norm is broken and the best course of action occurs: nothing. From “Tank Man”….
to customers at all-white restaurants waiting to be served in Southern American states.
Celebrate the heroes known by only one word - Mandela, Galileo, Gandhi, Malala, and the rest. Also celebrate those who challenge societal dysfunctions without ever seeking the spotlight and often without saying a single world.
Many cultural improvements are made by regular people who refused to accept wrongdoing. You do it too. Make a note of these moments of bravery. They serve as a reminder that you don’t have to be a brave person to engage in courageous acts, big or small, loud or quiet.
I recently had an amazing conversation with Dr. Adam Dorsay on this topic of principled rebels. We never met. By the end of 60-minutes on his podcast SuperPsyched, we instantly became friends and now text regularly.
Before you listen, let me share a cringeworthy moment: I mixed up Frederick Douglass with Booker T. Washington. I was torn between discussing these two influential figures and, like a klutz, ended up confusing their names. This is the beauty and horror of unscripted interviews—you never know what might happen, and sometimes it can go terribly, terribly wrong.
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Todd B. Kashdan is an author of several books including The Upside of Your Dark Side (Penguin) and The Art of Insubordination: How to Dissent and Defy Effectively (Avery/Penguin) and Professor of Psychology and Leader of The Well-Being Laboratory at George Mason University.
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By now mean am I equating the opening story with the civil rights stories below. Consider the opener a micro-r rebellion story to complement the mega-R rebellion stories.