Thanks for sharing these stats, Todd. This is such an important and complex area. As a father of a four-year-old daughter, I have only worked part-time these last four years so I could invest in her and our relationship. It's been the best decision of my life, but I am also privileged. Privileged because spending hours with her are the best moments of my life, and because I'm able financially to do it. Given that income inequality between the sexes these days seems to be mostly the cost of being a mother, there's no doubt in my mind that being a father who invests a huge amount of time in his kids has a huge financial cost too. I think it's easily worth it, but not everyone can do it. Many fathers need to work long hours, even 6 or 7 days a week, to provide for their families. Financial inequality is a nasty beast.
I think, also, we have a huge genetic disparity at play too. There are many fathers who haven't been able to be there for their kids -- their fault or not (e.g., early death) -- and yet they have given the incredible gift of a certain set of genes that lead to above-average health outcomes, longevity, intelligence, happiness, etc. Obviously, there should be no accolades in such a genetic lottery as it's all chance, but there are many factors involved.
Thanks for pointing out something that has to be discussed more. Add in the data showing that a divorce knows down women’s net worth by around 40% on average and men by around 30% and you’ve got some barriers that need to be rearranged for everyone.
apropos (?), from a book review, I recently ran across in Science Magazine:
Anthropologist and primatologist Sarah Blaffer Hrdy’s impressive new book, Father Time, is a natural history that examines the biggest picture of hominim evolution in search of a small but important development in modern society: an increase in the care and nurturing of babies by men. Hrdy’s earlier works on the evolution of mothering and maternal instincts, Mother Nature (1999) and Mothers and Others (2009), also considered much of the paternal side of hominim parenting, but in her telling, the origins of her interest in fathers began with The Langurs of Abu (1977)…
In Hrdy’s analysis, men’s ancient limbic systems have been restimulated to engage more actively in childcare by modern developments that include the increased costs of educating and caring for children, women working in larger numbers, more men engaged in co-parenting, gay marriage, and the many options available to prospective parents, including in vitro fertilization, for creating hybrid families. As she has experienced in her own family, the more time men spend with babies, the more nurturing they become.
Terrific post and I appreciate seeing statistics up close in personally. As you know, I was a daddy‘s girl but a preface here. My daddy worked extremely long hours and was rarely home before midnight when I was little girl. But I knew I was loved. He took the time to have conversations and to teach me to dance And play sports regardless of how busy he was in the in between moments.
Who really shaped me was my Pop Pop Redden, my mother‘s father. An extremely hard-working farmer, he was probably the happiest man I’ve ever known, and with his gentle quietness, he taught me goodness, mercy, forgiveness, hard work, and was open to any question I might have. So wad my grandmother, Mom Mom Redden, but she was the toe the line tough one. The no nonsense, get it done one. From her I learned respect.
Those few summers I had on the farm before I went to elementary school were learning packed and blissful. I learned independence, how to find Indian arrowheads, and time management because I had to be home for dinner.
My Pop Pop died when I was eight, and it forever broke my heart. He was the one who taught me I was worthy of love. The byproduct of our close relationship.
I knew my Daddy loved me, but my Pop Pop was the one who took me for long walks in the woods and talked gently to me. His trust shaped me forever. His understanding, goodness, and humility blessed me with an open heart to any little experience. Being with him was always awe– inspiring.
Even though I was only eight when he unexpectedly died, somehow I knew my life would be forever changed without him. But his gifts to me forever colored my life with hope, optimism, and a very glad heart. So it’s Father’s Day, and that’s terrific and I loved my Daddy, but my grandfather cherished my hunk of clay and creatively taught me how to mold myself. He was kind of like a daddy, too. Lucky me is how I’ve always felt about him.
Another post that resonates with me. I didn’t have access to a father and my mother had mental health issues.
And it guts me every time you mention it. Which makes you and your personality all the more special.
I’ve never talked publicly before about aspects of my childhood that were tough. You’ve inspired me to be more open in that regard.
Thanks for sharing these stats, Todd. This is such an important and complex area. As a father of a four-year-old daughter, I have only worked part-time these last four years so I could invest in her and our relationship. It's been the best decision of my life, but I am also privileged. Privileged because spending hours with her are the best moments of my life, and because I'm able financially to do it. Given that income inequality between the sexes these days seems to be mostly the cost of being a mother, there's no doubt in my mind that being a father who invests a huge amount of time in his kids has a huge financial cost too. I think it's easily worth it, but not everyone can do it. Many fathers need to work long hours, even 6 or 7 days a week, to provide for their families. Financial inequality is a nasty beast.
I think, also, we have a huge genetic disparity at play too. There are many fathers who haven't been able to be there for their kids -- their fault or not (e.g., early death) -- and yet they have given the incredible gift of a certain set of genes that lead to above-average health outcomes, longevity, intelligence, happiness, etc. Obviously, there should be no accolades in such a genetic lottery as it's all chance, but there are many factors involved.
Thanks for an important message Todd.
Thanks for pointing out something that has to be discussed more. Add in the data showing that a divorce knows down women’s net worth by around 40% on average and men by around 30% and you’ve got some barriers that need to be rearranged for everyone.
Topic for another post. Thanks !
apropos (?), from a book review, I recently ran across in Science Magazine:
Anthropologist and primatologist Sarah Blaffer Hrdy’s impressive new book, Father Time, is a natural history that examines the biggest picture of hominim evolution in search of a small but important development in modern society: an increase in the care and nurturing of babies by men. Hrdy’s earlier works on the evolution of mothering and maternal instincts, Mother Nature (1999) and Mothers and Others (2009), also considered much of the paternal side of hominim parenting, but in her telling, the origins of her interest in fathers began with The Langurs of Abu (1977)…
In Hrdy’s analysis, men’s ancient limbic systems have been restimulated to engage more actively in childcare by modern developments that include the increased costs of educating and caring for children, women working in larger numbers, more men engaged in co-parenting, gay marriage, and the many options available to prospective parents, including in vitro fertilization, for creating hybrid families. As she has experienced in her own family, the more time men spend with babies, the more nurturing they become.
I cited it in this post. https://regionalextensioncenter.blogspot.com/2024/05/hillsdale-college-whiffs-big-time.html (scroll down)
Yesterday. Literally yesterday. I went to my public library to pick this book up. What a hidden gem.
Terrific post and I appreciate seeing statistics up close in personally. As you know, I was a daddy‘s girl but a preface here. My daddy worked extremely long hours and was rarely home before midnight when I was little girl. But I knew I was loved. He took the time to have conversations and to teach me to dance And play sports regardless of how busy he was in the in between moments.
Who really shaped me was my Pop Pop Redden, my mother‘s father. An extremely hard-working farmer, he was probably the happiest man I’ve ever known, and with his gentle quietness, he taught me goodness, mercy, forgiveness, hard work, and was open to any question I might have. So wad my grandmother, Mom Mom Redden, but she was the toe the line tough one. The no nonsense, get it done one. From her I learned respect.
Those few summers I had on the farm before I went to elementary school were learning packed and blissful. I learned independence, how to find Indian arrowheads, and time management because I had to be home for dinner.
My Pop Pop died when I was eight, and it forever broke my heart. He was the one who taught me I was worthy of love. The byproduct of our close relationship.
I knew my Daddy loved me, but my Pop Pop was the one who took me for long walks in the woods and talked gently to me. His trust shaped me forever. His understanding, goodness, and humility blessed me with an open heart to any little experience. Being with him was always awe– inspiring.
Even though I was only eight when he unexpectedly died, somehow I knew my life would be forever changed without him. But his gifts to me forever colored my life with hope, optimism, and a very glad heart. So it’s Father’s Day, and that’s terrific and I loved my Daddy, but my grandfather cherished my hunk of clay and creatively taught me how to mold myself. He was kind of like a daddy, too. Lucky me is how I’ve always felt about him.