I can’t begin to fully express how much I love this post! And I’m laughing out loud inappropriately on the DC Metro while reading it and remembering all those simple yet profound moments in my life. And as I shift my perspective on being ordered to come back into the office full time, instead of being upset, I’m grateful that I now have more time to read this and many other blogs, books, and listen to podcasts and write my own blog to share too because All Of Our Stories Matter, and every day there are mundane moments that matter. Thank you my friend.
I’ve been playing with this idea for the past few months, but from a slightly different angle. Instead of marinating in the mundane, I’ve been intentionally messing with it. Not to reject the ordinary, but to wake myself up to the preferences I don’t remember choosing.
For example, I switched the side of the bed I usually sleep on—and discovered that being close to the window means I get a breeze of cool night air, heavenly on hot sticky nights.
I drove to work in silence for a week instead of blasting music—and noticed, for the first time, an incredible view from an empty block of land around the corner.
This week, I bought pears—a fruit I almost never buy because I always miss their elusive five-minute window of ripeness. Maybe this is the week I uncover their secret and pears become the new mundane addition to my life?
I’ve got a whole list of small life experiments queued up. None of them are big. But all of them help me notice the quiet choices shaping my days, and allow me to check whether they still fit.
Thanks Antonio. Do you want to know something weird? When I'm single (without exception) I choose the side of the bed that is closest to the bedroom door - so, its less about the actual side of the bed and perhaps a subconscious choice about safety. When in a relationship, the guy sleeps closest to the door - but I can't remember who makes this choice first.
I’ve heard this so often from women. And I also met a guy who’s wife died 15 years prior. He said I always sleep on my side of the bed. I’m going to turn that into an entire post.
I have a memory connected to this chat. I was walking through Madrid botanical gardens and made some comment and it was met with you should write. As I smiled and walked, I started paying attention to a bluebird that was so cheeky following me, as if it was travelling with me, I was so surprised at its attention, and walked with this bluebird scooting around me for about 30 minutes. I was in such a peace state and so intrigued. I loved it.
do you hold that belief of ancestors taking over the body of birds? so many people would interpret this as someone wanting to be with you from the past. love it.
Todd your brain reminds me of the universe, always another planet, or Star or some incredibly unique entity out there. Chocked full of who knows what fascination. It’s rare that I go on vacations now, but I love to take photography of peoples faces. Sometimes I ask him to smile, and sometimes I don’t. I look at them afterwards, and because everyone has their own incredible human uniqueness, They filled me with awe. Sometimes I notice something on their outfit. Or something in the background.
When I was raising my kids, I always taught them to notice the little things because within the little things are gigantic things that They might remember forever. I will remember my father after 12 hour surgery from a horrific car accident. They didn’t expect him to Live. I had only seen him about once a year since I was 18 and I was now 25. I wanted to grab his hand, but I couldn’t do it because I hadn’t touched him in so many years. I loved him from a far, but it was complicated. I can still remember reaching down to grab his hand and how bizarre that seemed. I’m dictating this, and with my left-hand, I realized I was gripping my pen, so hard that my hand was hurting in my fingernails were digging into my palm. I wanted that connection, but I remember the effort it took me touch him. It turned out that it took him 10 months to die. And I was there almost every day in Wilmington, Delaware. But after that hand, touching, despite his pain, life, gifted us with a bizarre kind of joy within his suffering.
And on the other end of a spectrum is something that happened very recently. A lady had noticed my earrings. For three days she made comments about them. We were traveling with a group to see the petroglyphs in Chihuahua, Mexico. Out in the middle of desert appeared a little family selling things they had made themselves. Shocked, I spied the exact pair of earrings I had been wearing. I couldn’t believe it. I bought them for the lady and gave them to her at lunch. She started crying. She said no one had ever done something fir her in a thoughtful manner. To me it was a little tiny thing. But I think it is cemented a lifelong friendship from someone who lives in Winnipeg, Canada, and Wisconsin, and visits Puerto Vallarta. These occasions make me love life… The little things are treasures.
I knew you were smart, but not psychic. I have skinny mojito mix packets in my drawer right now. No kidding! Thanks for your kindness and generosity of spirit.
How descriptive. Todd's brain is like Doctor Who's tardis - so much bigger on the inside that it seems could be possible from the outside. How do we fit all this experiencing into such a small space. Are our brains the the inspiration for the tardis?
I will say that the breakfast pop tart is NOT one of your brainiest choices. The very description has me going into a diabetic coma and I am not diabetic!
This is a phenomenal article; Much appreciated, Todd! I especially love the song, Testify, by Rage Against The Machine; One of my old friends, Quarib, introduced me to that song and music band when we were in high school together! I still admit after all these years of wonderful nostalgia, this song is epic, and so is my friend, of course. Memory is a sweet, unique thing; I recognize and remember the times whenever I enjoy music, vividly, on purpose. It definitely helps with the brain, in many ways, and I treasure this fact, wholeheartedly so. Thank you so very much for your fantastic article, and for your friendships as the best former Professor of Psychology at GMU in my entire life, ever since 2011 onwards; I can assure you of that truth.
This article hits hard. I just spent the weekend playing with AI entering in some of my mundane memories. These are the ones that contain who you are.
Here’s one that I love: as a teen, I grew up in a rural community. One Christmas, my parents and I enjoyed Christmas dinner with my uncle and his wife. Pretty mundane, yet special, right? The standout element is that my uncle’s home was a an old school bus turned into a mobile home. Years before, he gutted it and made it over into a small, rugged tiny home. My brain holds vivid images of eating at makeshift table and looking out the driver’s window to see a snow covered field as a I munched on turkey and gravy.
Another favourite article Todd. I always am so curious about the moments my mind chooses to remember. Today it was my 4 year old cycling down to the house (we have a big yard on a farm"), calling "Stephanie, we need your help".
1) he's never called me Stephanie before
2) his brothers needed my help to put in a tyre as they'd just changed the flat tyre on the car.
Cue the proud mama moment as they are only 10 and 7.
I know I've now reinforced this memory by sharing this story, but I always wonder over those memories that we might not reinforce but still stay stuck.
Anyway, thanks for highlighting the preciousness of the every day
I guess I want to say that being life is a miracle. Breathing is a miracle, walking, standing, making a cuppa and lifting it to drink it, the way my heart gently adjusts as I stand up or lie down, my insane ability to think a culturally and linguistically rich thought....all these innately ignorable skills. Man, do we have to step on a pigeon to know wonder?
This is so relevant right now. I've shared it with my 19yr old who's at uni and got some hard news yesterday. I hope he reads it. He probably won't because he feels like he has no time for anything other than study. To the detriment of his own health. He's a conscientious, high achieving student and trying to get him to pull back and smell the roses is a challenge. Ah, the perspective of a parent who's been there and done that (not the hard out study as a young adult, but the challenges in prioritising what's important, decisions made based on short term discomfort vs long term consequences, balance... ). A pressure to be everything and do everything because life is short, yet glossing over the small, everyday moments that make life life.
This was beautiful. I could feel the pain in you after that thief stole your grandpa's trench coat. I could taste, smell, see and overall feel with my senses each example you depicted as it was your own.
"Life happens in the gaps". My recent years have been studying, reading and being inspired by that. Being an in-between, you can witness beauty in the Ma or white space.
"If you measured life by achievements alone, you’d miss the texture." This was *chef's kiss*.
This may be one of my favourite reads of yours, Todd. Just because I felt a door opening of your own life. That what's important to you. What also importants to me and that connection, is gold. Maybe there wasn't pure science in here, but the words, the quotes, the examples, the ideas, were pure gold. And this is the space I want to write about.
1) Just a few days ago, my little 3yo pronounced her name correctly. From "Jojojina" yo "Josefina" (Josefine). A few words create so much joy.
2) I always remember the moment when I first kissed with my wife. She was always my college sweetheart but could never find the right time to be together. And years after, it came to fruition. I invited her to a cousin's birthday. And... magic! I'll always remember that moment and those delicious kisses she gave me.
3) My daughters being born. Sobbing on both. It is so powerful to see a new life, where you put some magic seeds for it to become real. And their rapid growth. Seeing my girls grow has been so fast, beautiful, yet so bittersweet. Each time I remember stuff when they were just tiny bundles of joy, I sob. And I sob when I look at them for more than a few seconds. And I know they will hopefully blossom and fly as butterflies. And I try, sometimes miserably fail, to be as present as possible.
You are such a wonder tracker: "Maybe the worth of a day isn’t in its measurable impact but in the moments that won’t quite let go." I've been wondering this for a long time like you. I do not have an Instaglam life, either.
If it’s true that life unfolds itself gradually, when why do people believe that life is short?! Gradual=longer! Life is long because it is lived, if you know what I mean
I really liked this one. I found it very reinspiring to my inner author. Thank you for sharing the hierarchy of redirection. I will use this tool to communicate with unconditional positive regard. Thanks again.
Maybe it was a homeless guy who stole the coat and felt the warm hug from it. I hope this idea helps you with the feeling of loss of something belonging to someone you loved
I hope so. I left out that I saw a bunch of kids hovering around my car when I parked it. Maybe they were late night boyscouts on the prowl to help the less fortunate and just happened to be drinking out of paper bags because they are environmentally friendly containers for the drinks.
I can’t begin to fully express how much I love this post! And I’m laughing out loud inappropriately on the DC Metro while reading it and remembering all those simple yet profound moments in my life. And as I shift my perspective on being ordered to come back into the office full time, instead of being upset, I’m grateful that I now have more time to read this and many other blogs, books, and listen to podcasts and write my own blog to share too because All Of Our Stories Matter, and every day there are mundane moments that matter. Thank you my friend.
Tony, you should write a piece on that. Not saying everyone should adopt that perspective shift but its awesome if you can.
This made me pause.
I’ve been playing with this idea for the past few months, but from a slightly different angle. Instead of marinating in the mundane, I’ve been intentionally messing with it. Not to reject the ordinary, but to wake myself up to the preferences I don’t remember choosing.
For example, I switched the side of the bed I usually sleep on—and discovered that being close to the window means I get a breeze of cool night air, heavenly on hot sticky nights.
I drove to work in silence for a week instead of blasting music—and noticed, for the first time, an incredible view from an empty block of land around the corner.
This week, I bought pears—a fruit I almost never buy because I always miss their elusive five-minute window of ripeness. Maybe this is the week I uncover their secret and pears become the new mundane addition to my life?
I’ve got a whole list of small life experiments queued up. None of them are big. But all of them help me notice the quiet choices shaping my days, and allow me to check whether they still fit.
Beautiful
Beautiful meanderings, Shirley. I hope you write later on what you learned.
Thanks Antonio. Do you want to know something weird? When I'm single (without exception) I choose the side of the bed that is closest to the bedroom door - so, its less about the actual side of the bed and perhaps a subconscious choice about safety. When in a relationship, the guy sleeps closest to the door - but I can't remember who makes this choice first.
I’ve heard this so often from women. And I also met a guy who’s wife died 15 years prior. He said I always sleep on my side of the bed. I’m going to turn that into an entire post.
Oof - that tugs at the heart strings. Habit? Grief? An act of love? I'll look forward to reading that post.
Profound grief. I was his therapist in an inpatient substance abuse center
Awww, heart breaking. Looking forward to seeing what angle you take on this.
I have a memory connected to this chat. I was walking through Madrid botanical gardens and made some comment and it was met with you should write. As I smiled and walked, I started paying attention to a bluebird that was so cheeky following me, as if it was travelling with me, I was so surprised at its attention, and walked with this bluebird scooting around me for about 30 minutes. I was in such a peace state and so intrigued. I loved it.
do you hold that belief of ancestors taking over the body of birds? so many people would interpret this as someone wanting to be with you from the past. love it.
I loved it too. I like that interpretation.
Todd your brain reminds me of the universe, always another planet, or Star or some incredibly unique entity out there. Chocked full of who knows what fascination. It’s rare that I go on vacations now, but I love to take photography of peoples faces. Sometimes I ask him to smile, and sometimes I don’t. I look at them afterwards, and because everyone has their own incredible human uniqueness, They filled me with awe. Sometimes I notice something on their outfit. Or something in the background.
When I was raising my kids, I always taught them to notice the little things because within the little things are gigantic things that They might remember forever. I will remember my father after 12 hour surgery from a horrific car accident. They didn’t expect him to Live. I had only seen him about once a year since I was 18 and I was now 25. I wanted to grab his hand, but I couldn’t do it because I hadn’t touched him in so many years. I loved him from a far, but it was complicated. I can still remember reaching down to grab his hand and how bizarre that seemed. I’m dictating this, and with my left-hand, I realized I was gripping my pen, so hard that my hand was hurting in my fingernails were digging into my palm. I wanted that connection, but I remember the effort it took me touch him. It turned out that it took him 10 months to die. And I was there almost every day in Wilmington, Delaware. But after that hand, touching, despite his pain, life, gifted us with a bizarre kind of joy within his suffering.
And on the other end of a spectrum is something that happened very recently. A lady had noticed my earrings. For three days she made comments about them. We were traveling with a group to see the petroglyphs in Chihuahua, Mexico. Out in the middle of desert appeared a little family selling things they had made themselves. Shocked, I spied the exact pair of earrings I had been wearing. I couldn’t believe it. I bought them for the lady and gave them to her at lunch. She started crying. She said no one had ever done something fir her in a thoughtful manner. To me it was a little tiny thing. But I think it is cemented a lifelong friendship from someone who lives in Winnipeg, Canada, and Wisconsin, and visits Puerto Vallarta. These occasions make me love life… The little things are treasures.
Thanks for a wonderful post, Todd.
You are definitely going to heaven, but also to the VIP section, where they play harps and send you skinny mojitos for eternity.
I knew you were smart, but not psychic. I have skinny mojito mix packets in my drawer right now. No kidding! Thanks for your kindness and generosity of spirit.
How descriptive. Todd's brain is like Doctor Who's tardis - so much bigger on the inside that it seems could be possible from the outside. How do we fit all this experiencing into such a small space. Are our brains the the inspiration for the tardis?
You are too sweet and kind. Vastly superior to my morning strawberry rainbow sprinkled protein pop tart.
I will say that the breakfast pop tart is NOT one of your brainiest choices. The very description has me going into a diabetic coma and I am not diabetic!
This is a phenomenal article; Much appreciated, Todd! I especially love the song, Testify, by Rage Against The Machine; One of my old friends, Quarib, introduced me to that song and music band when we were in high school together! I still admit after all these years of wonderful nostalgia, this song is epic, and so is my friend, of course. Memory is a sweet, unique thing; I recognize and remember the times whenever I enjoy music, vividly, on purpose. It definitely helps with the brain, in many ways, and I treasure this fact, wholeheartedly so. Thank you so very much for your fantastic article, and for your friendships as the best former Professor of Psychology at GMU in my entire life, ever since 2011 onwards; I can assure you of that truth.
much appreciated. and your musical taste is spectular.
This article hits hard. I just spent the weekend playing with AI entering in some of my mundane memories. These are the ones that contain who you are.
Here’s one that I love: as a teen, I grew up in a rural community. One Christmas, my parents and I enjoyed Christmas dinner with my uncle and his wife. Pretty mundane, yet special, right? The standout element is that my uncle’s home was a an old school bus turned into a mobile home. Years before, he gutted it and made it over into a small, rugged tiny home. My brain holds vivid images of eating at makeshift table and looking out the driver’s window to see a snow covered field as a I munched on turkey and gravy.
Please 🙏 tell me you have a pic!! So cool.
Sadly no. This was almost 40 years ago. No smartphones in hand. 🤣
and who would want it any other way???
Another favourite article Todd. I always am so curious about the moments my mind chooses to remember. Today it was my 4 year old cycling down to the house (we have a big yard on a farm"), calling "Stephanie, we need your help".
1) he's never called me Stephanie before
2) his brothers needed my help to put in a tyre as they'd just changed the flat tyre on the car.
Cue the proud mama moment as they are only 10 and 7.
I know I've now reinforced this memory by sharing this story, but I always wonder over those memories that we might not reinforce but still stay stuck.
Anyway, thanks for highlighting the preciousness of the every day
My eyes water at this portal to them as adults. Keep sending stuff like this. I’m getting so gushy in my adult body.
And thank you 🙏 this was so much fun to write.
I guess I want to say that being life is a miracle. Breathing is a miracle, walking, standing, making a cuppa and lifting it to drink it, the way my heart gently adjusts as I stand up or lie down, my insane ability to think a culturally and linguistically rich thought....all these innately ignorable skills. Man, do we have to step on a pigeon to know wonder?
You guys are each life! Wowzers!
This is so relevant right now. I've shared it with my 19yr old who's at uni and got some hard news yesterday. I hope he reads it. He probably won't because he feels like he has no time for anything other than study. To the detriment of his own health. He's a conscientious, high achieving student and trying to get him to pull back and smell the roses is a challenge. Ah, the perspective of a parent who's been there and done that (not the hard out study as a young adult, but the challenges in prioritising what's important, decisions made based on short term discomfort vs long term consequences, balance... ). A pressure to be everything and do everything because life is short, yet glossing over the small, everyday moments that make life life.
You’re a good mom Tilly. I wish a mom told me this in high school and college. So more good would linger in my brain.
This was beautiful. I could feel the pain in you after that thief stole your grandpa's trench coat. I could taste, smell, see and overall feel with my senses each example you depicted as it was your own.
"Life happens in the gaps". My recent years have been studying, reading and being inspired by that. Being an in-between, you can witness beauty in the Ma or white space.
"If you measured life by achievements alone, you’d miss the texture." This was *chef's kiss*.
This may be one of my favourite reads of yours, Todd. Just because I felt a door opening of your own life. That what's important to you. What also importants to me and that connection, is gold. Maybe there wasn't pure science in here, but the words, the quotes, the examples, the ideas, were pure gold. And this is the space I want to write about.
Truly, truly thanks for writing this piece.
thanks Antonio! Let me hold onto that.
Oh, and if you ask me about moments:
1) Just a few days ago, my little 3yo pronounced her name correctly. From "Jojojina" yo "Josefina" (Josefine). A few words create so much joy.
2) I always remember the moment when I first kissed with my wife. She was always my college sweetheart but could never find the right time to be together. And years after, it came to fruition. I invited her to a cousin's birthday. And... magic! I'll always remember that moment and those delicious kisses she gave me.
3) My daughters being born. Sobbing on both. It is so powerful to see a new life, where you put some magic seeds for it to become real. And their rapid growth. Seeing my girls grow has been so fast, beautiful, yet so bittersweet. Each time I remember stuff when they were just tiny bundles of joy, I sob. And I sob when I look at them for more than a few seconds. And I know they will hopefully blossom and fly as butterflies. And I try, sometimes miserably fail, to be as present as possible.
love all of this.....could read a whole book of these tidbits.
You are such a wonder tracker: "Maybe the worth of a day isn’t in its measurable impact but in the moments that won’t quite let go." I've been wondering this for a long time like you. I do not have an Instaglam life, either.
From the wonder master, namaste.
This might be my new favorite TK post. Damn. So well written.
And that means a ton to me dear Erin.
If it’s true that life unfolds itself gradually, when why do people believe that life is short?! Gradual=longer! Life is long because it is lived, if you know what I mean
This comment section is a celebration of humanness and was a joy for me to read this morning - thank you
I really liked this one. I found it very reinspiring to my inner author. Thank you for sharing the hierarchy of redirection. I will use this tool to communicate with unconditional positive regard. Thanks again.
Thanks Kaitlin
Maybe it was a homeless guy who stole the coat and felt the warm hug from it. I hope this idea helps you with the feeling of loss of something belonging to someone you loved
I hope so. I left out that I saw a bunch of kids hovering around my car when I parked it. Maybe they were late night boyscouts on the prowl to help the less fortunate and just happened to be drinking out of paper bags because they are environmentally friendly containers for the drinks.
😂Oh well, maybe not such a romantic ending for your coat, I tried 😂🤣
And i appreciate you helping me to ignore my jacket assaulters