Terrible Speed Dating Experiences and The Unholy Laws of Attraction

And a Bonus: Why You Might Be Attracted to a Psychopath

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The premise of speed dating is simple: Sit down, talk fast, swap names, and see if anyone sparks. It’s human connection distilled into its most transactional form, a social conveyor belt where each interaction lasts five minutes—just enough time to establish mutual interest or confirm that no amount of alcohol could make this work.

I walked in with mild curiosity and low expectations, which is how I approach most things that involve a room full of strangers evaluating each other like produce. The room was split in half. One side: people under 40. The other: people over 40. Reasonable enough—until I saw a man who looked like he’d fought in World War II. He sat on the “40 and up” side, radiating wisdom and an unsettling amount of available time. My first thought: There has to be a cutoff, right?

Apparently not.