It’s taking me decades to learn to ask for help but now in my 70s, I ask. I love your line that we offer other people a chance to be a hero when they help us. I need to notice that more. Thanks so much for another brilliant post.
That’s phenomenal, deeply needed and inspiring, Todd! I feel like my friendships deserve my full compassion, my primary care physician, Dr. Gupta, deserves being mocked because of his lack of moral character and connectedness from the demeanor he represents, unfortunately. I am sincerely grateful for the idea and relevance of sponsorship! I have lost a few close friends in the past, yet I have reunited with some of them and new ones, which is a beautiful thing. Todd, for example, is powerful beyond measure because he is truly worthy o& significance, appreciates our fellow humor and musical values, and both his rigor and his research are beyond comparison together with fellow like-minded professionals in life. I know this feeling, wholeheartedly so. Much appreciated and much deserved! I recognize that asking for help is based on connection with other people; I don’t value money or fame, yet I do value education, democracy, love, and interconnectedness.
That’s phenomenal, deeply needed and inspiring, Todd! I feel like my friendships deserve my full compassion, my primary care physician, Dr. Gupta, deserves being mocked because of his lack of moral character and connectedness from the demeanor he represents, unfortunately. I am sincerely grateful for the idea and relevance of sponsorship! I have lost a few close friends in the past, yet I have reunited with some of them and new ones, which is a beautiful thing. Todd, for example, is powerful beyond measure because he is truly worthy of significance, appreciates our fellow humor and musical values, and both his rigor and his research are beyond comparison together with fellow like-minded professionals in life. I know this feeling, wholeheartedly so. Much appreciated and much deserved! I recognize that asking for help is based on connection with other people; I don’t value money or fame, yet I do value education, democracy, love, and interconnectedness.
This is rich!! I'm in the midst of a turn in my vocational work with men, indivdually and in groups. The Compassion Worksheet poses a fantastic hill to climb on their journeys to "break-opens" and breakthroughs!
Love this! I’ve said on several occasions—suffering is suffering. Just because it’s wrapped in a Nordstrom box doesn’t make it any less painful. As usual, you articulated it much better.
Oh, and I forgot to say. The real exercise is embracing the struggle. And showing compassion and offering help for someone who we really despise or dislike. Maybe that opens that person a bit and generates a new relationship. Maybe not. But in the act of trying, we open new possibilities for us.
It was a good idea to listen to the song while reading the rest of the post.
Your articles always feel that have a bit of punk rock in them. At least next time I will listen to your post to some Ramones, Fugazi, etc.
Really interesting overall, because we tend to overvalue our compassion, when it's certainly the opposite. Our brains judge all the time, but that doesn't mean we can't be conscious about it and do something to add a new layer of processing. Also, that insight about helping was really interesting. Maybe we're designed to be afraid to ask for help and encouraged to give it, because we need the friction of conversation to make the deal happen. If not, it would be all too easy.
As usual, great. Data with spunk. Ideas with sprinkles of Fugazi. Thanks, Todd. Looking forward to a new Zoom session (hopefully broadcasting from you new home!)
You hit my sweet spot. The music is always inspiring.
You hit something interesting. We can automatically judge, playfully judge, and still be compassionate. First thing that comes to mind is the gallows humor of EMT workers. Take that away and you make it harder for them to be compassionate. Non linear and weird and beautiful.
My husband has managed the assets of most of the high net worth individuals in this county (there aren’t that many, it isn’t a wealthy county) and every now and again I get a character sketch. Quite a number are highly eccentric, using all manner of astrological charts, mediums and quack remedies in tandem with business acumen. I’ve worked with people’s money at the other end, and have met several people who have crashed out of big money jobs and lives due to psychosis or addiction. One of them I wrote a post about (I called him H). Many high achievers have had odd, abusive or lonely childhoods, and I found the similarities and differences between them and people who never got going in life really food for thought. Good post, got me thinking about certain people again. Also: your phrase: “corporate kumbaya”. I love that, and I’m tempted to borrow it, but I know who will want to borrow it even more: my husband 🙂
Thanks for fleshing out this image. I keep thinking of how the overlap of interests and personalities between the wealthiest and the rest is quite a bit. Perfect description to bring in astrology
I have a personal experience that really drives home your Hero/Burden flip-flop. My career over the past 25+ years has been about supporting individuals with disabilities in their efforts to be effective in the workplace. My support has ranged from helping a non-verbal man build the social skills to set work goals and achieve desirable outcomes, through to helping a senior VP of a corporation re-integrate to work following a cardiac event.
I readily step up to help injured/disabled workers get the resources they need to be active at work.
I was drawn to this career path because of my own disability with as a lifelong hearing-aid user (with severe-profound hearing challenges).
When I took my job as a department manager for my then-new employer (an airline), I realized that I needed an accommodation. This shook me to my core - I was devastated that I would now become a burden to my employer. Despite an entire career built on advocating for vulnerable folks and helping them with what they need to be effective, I was now faced with advocating for myself. It was tough! I struggled quite a bit before requesting the adjustment.
If you're curious - I just needed my office reconfigured so that people entered in a way that places them on my left side (I'm completely deaf on the right side). This helped avoid a lot of awkward conversations (for some reason, hearing people enter a room talking -- I stopped trying to coach on social etiquette and focused on environmental redesign).
It’s taking me decades to learn to ask for help but now in my 70s, I ask. I love your line that we offer other people a chance to be a hero when they help us. I need to notice that more. Thanks so much for another brilliant post.
Appreciate it Judy
That’s phenomenal, deeply needed and inspiring, Todd! I feel like my friendships deserve my full compassion, my primary care physician, Dr. Gupta, deserves being mocked because of his lack of moral character and connectedness from the demeanor he represents, unfortunately. I am sincerely grateful for the idea and relevance of sponsorship! I have lost a few close friends in the past, yet I have reunited with some of them and new ones, which is a beautiful thing. Todd, for example, is powerful beyond measure because he is truly worthy o& significance, appreciates our fellow humor and musical values, and both his rigor and his research are beyond comparison together with fellow like-minded professionals in life. I know this feeling, wholeheartedly so. Much appreciated and much deserved! I recognize that asking for help is based on connection with other people; I don’t value money or fame, yet I do value education, democracy, love, and interconnectedness.
That’s phenomenal, deeply needed and inspiring, Todd! I feel like my friendships deserve my full compassion, my primary care physician, Dr. Gupta, deserves being mocked because of his lack of moral character and connectedness from the demeanor he represents, unfortunately. I am sincerely grateful for the idea and relevance of sponsorship! I have lost a few close friends in the past, yet I have reunited with some of them and new ones, which is a beautiful thing. Todd, for example, is powerful beyond measure because he is truly worthy of significance, appreciates our fellow humor and musical values, and both his rigor and his research are beyond comparison together with fellow like-minded professionals in life. I know this feeling, wholeheartedly so. Much appreciated and much deserved! I recognize that asking for help is based on connection with other people; I don’t value money or fame, yet I do value education, democracy, love, and interconnectedness.
This is rich!! I'm in the midst of a turn in my vocational work with men, indivdually and in groups. The Compassion Worksheet poses a fantastic hill to climb on their journeys to "break-opens" and breakthroughs!
Thanks Bill. That’s my hope. Some prompts to get people talking.
Love this! I’ve said on several occasions—suffering is suffering. Just because it’s wrapped in a Nordstrom box doesn’t make it any less painful. As usual, you articulated it much better.
Thanks Erin. Exactly. This obviously comes from watching someone wealthy in my world be dismissed. Not me.
Oh, and I forgot to say. The real exercise is embracing the struggle. And showing compassion and offering help for someone who we really despise or dislike. Maybe that opens that person a bit and generates a new relationship. Maybe not. But in the act of trying, we open new possibilities for us.
It was a good idea to listen to the song while reading the rest of the post.
Your articles always feel that have a bit of punk rock in them. At least next time I will listen to your post to some Ramones, Fugazi, etc.
Really interesting overall, because we tend to overvalue our compassion, when it's certainly the opposite. Our brains judge all the time, but that doesn't mean we can't be conscious about it and do something to add a new layer of processing. Also, that insight about helping was really interesting. Maybe we're designed to be afraid to ask for help and encouraged to give it, because we need the friction of conversation to make the deal happen. If not, it would be all too easy.
As usual, great. Data with spunk. Ideas with sprinkles of Fugazi. Thanks, Todd. Looking forward to a new Zoom session (hopefully broadcasting from you new home!)
You hit my sweet spot. The music is always inspiring.
You hit something interesting. We can automatically judge, playfully judge, and still be compassionate. First thing that comes to mind is the gallows humor of EMT workers. Take that away and you make it harder for them to be compassionate. Non linear and weird and beautiful.
Thanks for the kind words!!
Also: collagen and sea moss smoothie. I know clients of my husband who will be researching that if mentioned in their presence.
😂
My husband has managed the assets of most of the high net worth individuals in this county (there aren’t that many, it isn’t a wealthy county) and every now and again I get a character sketch. Quite a number are highly eccentric, using all manner of astrological charts, mediums and quack remedies in tandem with business acumen. I’ve worked with people’s money at the other end, and have met several people who have crashed out of big money jobs and lives due to psychosis or addiction. One of them I wrote a post about (I called him H). Many high achievers have had odd, abusive or lonely childhoods, and I found the similarities and differences between them and people who never got going in life really food for thought. Good post, got me thinking about certain people again. Also: your phrase: “corporate kumbaya”. I love that, and I’m tempted to borrow it, but I know who will want to borrow it even more: my husband 🙂
Thanks for fleshing out this image. I keep thinking of how the overlap of interests and personalities between the wealthiest and the rest is quite a bit. Perfect description to bring in astrology
And not forgetting the personal mediums and energy clearing witches working for these people. It’s not dull in those people’s heads, I can tell you
I have a personal experience that really drives home your Hero/Burden flip-flop. My career over the past 25+ years has been about supporting individuals with disabilities in their efforts to be effective in the workplace. My support has ranged from helping a non-verbal man build the social skills to set work goals and achieve desirable outcomes, through to helping a senior VP of a corporation re-integrate to work following a cardiac event.
I readily step up to help injured/disabled workers get the resources they need to be active at work.
I was drawn to this career path because of my own disability with as a lifelong hearing-aid user (with severe-profound hearing challenges).
When I took my job as a department manager for my then-new employer (an airline), I realized that I needed an accommodation. This shook me to my core - I was devastated that I would now become a burden to my employer. Despite an entire career built on advocating for vulnerable folks and helping them with what they need to be effective, I was now faced with advocating for myself. It was tough! I struggled quite a bit before requesting the adjustment.
If you're curious - I just needed my office reconfigured so that people entered in a way that places them on my left side (I'm completely deaf on the right side). This helped avoid a lot of awkward conversations (for some reason, hearing people enter a room talking -- I stopped trying to coach on social etiquette and focused on environmental redesign).
I’m so glad you shared this as it’s something someone like me w fully intact hearing wouldn’t even contemplate. Until now.
It’s an interesting thing to realize all the subtle details that so many take for granted. It reveals a lot about humans.
I reframed asking for help as giving another the chance to be helpful a while back.
It’s transformed how I show up for myself in so many ways and deepened my relationships.
I still don’t do it as much as I could.