Society is Struggling Because of the Eighth Deadly Sin
Society is Struggling Because of the Eighth Deadly Sin
What people state publicly is at odds with what they think privately
Much has been said about the seven deadly sins of pride, greed, lust, envy, gluttony, wrath, and sloth. I argue for one more, that is gaining steam in modern society: disingenuous.
Here’s what it means: "lacking in candor” or “giving a false appearance of frankness”
The hard thing about taking the temperature of society is that people often conceal what they really think. They might love the cheesy, sappy, new Thor movie, but are reluctant to speak up since everyone seems to loathe it.
They might suffer from mental health difficulties1 and worry that a reveal will haunt them - such that they will be viewed as too emotionally fragile for leadership positions.
They might be conservative but keep this to themselves while living in a predominantly liberal neighborhood. They might hide atheist beliefs because close friends and family are highly religious.
When powerful people push for conformist thinking, it makes it difficult to voice alternative viewpoints. A leader can proclaim a preference for diversity. A leader can say that they permit, even embrace disagreement, dissent, and deviance. A leader can post signs that a good team player shares their thoughts openly. But what really matters is how that leader behaves when someone offers a perspective that questions popular sentiments.
If someone with a dissenting view in a group setting is disproportionally criticized, attacked, dismissed, dismantled, or ignored, then everyone in that room and everyone who hears about the event learns the prevailing social norm: keep likes, dislikes, concerns, indignation, biases, and unhappiness to yourself or face negative repercussions.
This is what I believe: nobody benefits from hidden biases, prejudices, and ideas.
Groups think there is greater consensus that reality.
People have no idea where they stand in terms of tolerance, dignity, and appreciation.
Standards remain unclear about what is acceptable, much less highly desirable.
By lacking access to what people truly think, groups become less intelligent, derive less creative solutions, and produce worse decisions.
Consider the inability of the best political thinkers to predict the election of Donald Trump as President of the United States. When asked, people expressed dissatisfaction with Trump as a presidential candidate. But people lied. Do you know what the greatest predictor of voting for Donald Trump? Google searches with racial slurs or racially charged terms in your geographical location (state, zip code). What mattered was what people did with nobody observing - searching for race jokes, asking questions about racial differences, and acquiring derogatory information about Non-Whites.
In 2022, researchers explored the most common Google autocomplete responses from countries around the globe. What Google populates reflects best guesses based on the most common search terms by users. Here are the top four results following the stem, “Why do Americans….”
call it soccer
drive on the right
use Fahrenheit
tip
Each is a strange American behavior. It makes sense that citizens from other countries are curious. As for the curiosities of Americans, the most common queries of other countries included:
Why are Chinese….so good at math
Why do Japanese…do peace signs in photos
Why do French…say ooh la la
Under the cloak of anonymity, people reveal their true thoughts and questions. Statements that we often be too embarrassed, anxious, or ashamed to voice publicly. Some are endearing, some are interesting, some are terrifying.
To better understand other people, to leverage their strengths, to ameliorate weaknesses and misconceptions, we must gain access to honest thoughts and beliefs.
By pressuring people to hide, conceal, and suppress, we communicate on false pretenses. We can only work with what we know. If we want to create a more tolerant, diverse society, we must create space for people to reveal their ideas, preferences and dare I say, prejudices. Only then is reeducation possible. Only then do we have access to productive conflict - an effective path to generating knowledge, wisdom, and creative solutions.
Refuse some of the current tactics of modern day activists. Do not compel people to hold particular beliefs. You will get compliance, but what you are probably more interested in is changing minds. Better to have them speak, listen, discuss, and explain why change has more benefits than costs (consider these five strategies for principled rebellion in the current debate on women’s autonomy). We often forget that while most principled rebels are progressive, seeking change, sometimes the best outcome arises from staying the course. Knowing that there is place for both stability and change goals, offers an opportunity to connect with people across the ideological spectrum.
Not so long ago we grappled with a person’s ideas instead of attacking them as a person.
Choose debate over public shaming.
Choose independent thinking over groupthink.
Choose courage over short-term comfort.
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Extra Curiosities
The READ - about self-help gurus who fail to take their advice, burn out, and resemble hypocrites (just like everyone else).
The BOOK - Join me as I start reading The Things We Love: How Our Passions Connect Us and Make Us Who We Are from Dr. Aaron Ahuvia. Who is such an amazing person to hang out with that this book is bound to be fascinating.
The LISTEN - expand your musical horizons with this track by Rodrigo y Gabriela. Don’t resist the allure of joy. And make sure to hear their cover of Stairway to Heaven.
The VIDEO - Check out the ultimate well-being father-son well-being team, Rick and Forrest Hanson. Yes, we discuss how to be a good rebel but we really dive into how to cultivate more self-awareness and deal with social hierarchies.
THE PODCAST EPISODE - If being a people-pleaser is a challenge, don’t miss this Shadowboxing episode about the power of disobedience.
As always, if you enjoyed this newsletter, please leave a ❤️. Even better, share this with someone who could use a boost. And if you read The Art of Insubordination, contact me with thoughts, questions, or beefs here or any social media. Authors love hearing from readers.
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Dr. Todd B. Kashdan is the author of The Art of Insubordination: How to Dissent and Defy Effectively (Avery/Penguin) and a Professor of Psychology who leads The Well-Being Laboratory at George Mason University.
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Let’s be clear, such a large proportion of the society suffers from a mental health condition at some point during their lifetime that we are only a few years away from when psychologically health will be in the minority. The latest figures suggest over 47.4% of Americans will be diagnosed with at least one psychiatric disorder.