Ben Franklin's Guide to Winning Friends: A Revolutionary Approach

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Enjoy a short historical anecdote to grasp the concept of minority influence (click here for a detailed Psychology Today article).

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In the 18th century, two American icons, Ben Franklin and John Adams, embarked on a diplomatic mission to France. Their goal? Secure French support for the American Revolution. But their distinct approaches shed light on how to be effective in persuading others when you lack power and status - when you’re in the minority.

How well would someone understand your important text exchanges 225 years from now?

Franklin was sent first by the Continental Congress. After a year, concerned about his slow progress, the Congress questioned Franklin’s skills. They sent John Adams to get faster progress.¹

Adams, a man of principle and decorum, was all business. He sailed over and nearly immediately requested a meeting with the King. Now Franklin, who spent a year ingratiating himself with locals, raised his hands in despair. No, no, no, cue Eminem John - you only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow (his favorite cover version is below).

@sam.alesandriDoes this make me the real slim shady? #fyp #eminem I also always forget how to breathe during this

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Franklin understood the importance of becoming part of the community, of making people comfortable with his presence - of being initiated as an ingroup member. What we know from the psychological science is that Franklin, Adams, and anyone else in the minority must pass two examinations in hopes of receiving a receptive audience for their words/ideas/requests:

1. The Community Contribution Challenge

Demonstrate your role as a valuable community member. The more tangible actions you can showcase, the stronger your case.

2. The Progressive Proposal Review

Illustrate that your message isn't a threat, but rather a potential enhancement to the group's dynamics or goals.

Adams showed an obsession with time urgency - which is often a huge psychological barrier to creative decision-making. He wanted to assert his strength and get things done quickly.

Franklin's approach of patience and perspective getting-and-taking resonated with the French. His charm, wit, and relaxed demeanor won them over, securing support, altering the course of the American Revolution.

So, what can we learn from Franklin's success? Understand your audience and adapt your approach to resonate with them. Your brilliant proposal stands a far better chance if you spend time revising the framework to match the needs and interests of the audience.

Resist the Temptation to Produce Stock Talks - Get to Know Who You Will Speak With and Modify Accordingly

Persuasion isn't about making the most logical or emotionally powerful argument. You hear a great deal about aligning goals with your core values. In the case of being a persuasive minority member, be other-focused: understand their values, and revamp your message with those values.

Regardless of your demographics, personality, life history, and occupational status, you will at times be in the minority. Practice what to do in these situations and help others do the same.

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Provocations

1. The Social Media Transformation: Consider a world where the principles of winning friends and influencing people are the guiding rules for social media interactions. In this world, every post, comment, and share is designed to understand the motivational underpinnings of others reactions and resonate with them. The focus shifts from self-promotion to curious conversations. How would this reshape the landscape of online communities? Help us boost the number of real-world friendships in an era of loneliness?

2. The Curriculum Overhaul: Imagine schools across the globe incorporating the principles of building friendships into their curriculum. From a young age, children are taught the importance of understanding others, resonating with their feelings, and building strong, positive relationships. How might this provide an environment to bolster the primary mission of gaining knowledge and critical thinking skills? Perhaps we should stop pretending there is a need to choose between these objectives.

3. The Diplomatic Revolution: Picture a world where leaders consider minorities and their harder, thinner path to gaining a platform. Instead of focusing on power dynamics and strategic interests, they prioritize the amplification of interesting, valuable voices. How exactly can we discover these credible voices? It can’t be just for being a minority. There has to be some combination of searching in places previously ignored and evaluating idea quality. Perhaps we should stop pretending there is a need to choose between these objectives.

4. The Customer Service Evolution: Imagine a world where companies adopt these principles in customer service. Every interaction with a customer is an opportunity to understand them better and resonate with their needs. This assuredly leads to more loyal customers and better business outcomes. What can be done about inertia and status quo biases?

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For a deeper dive on minority influence, read The Art of Insubordination: How to Dissent and Defy Effectively (Avery/Penguin)

Read Past Issues Here Including:

1. Thanks to my student Maurice Birch for sharing this relevant historical moment with me.