Wacky "Never Have I Ever" Questions, Monkeys Who Write Sonnets, and the Next AMA
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Despite an autobiography that in some ways mirrors the life of every suburban man in America, several events stand out as uniquely my own. These moments are as vivid as they are singular. Consider a mere five:
Two older kids (in 3rd grade), perched atop a telephone pole, waiting for school to end. As my twin brother and I walked home, they leapt down, ambushing us. They stole our wallets.
In West Virginia, I lost three teeth intervening in a bar fight after witnessing a man knock out his girlfriend. Not a single person present did anything when her body hit the floor.
At a family gathering of my girlfriend in college, her uncle approached me with an unexpected proposition while I was alone in the kitchen making breakfast. He handed me a small piece of yellow legal pad paper with his number, offering his apartment for trysts, assuring me my girlfriend—his niece—would never know.
Last week, I was on a nearly empty red-eye flight with my daughter Raven. I found myself locked in the airplane bathroom. The simple task of pulling the lever and pushing the door eluded me. Sober and bewildered, I had to call for a flight attendant to free me. My mechanical reasoning skills, or lack thereof, were on full display.
I went on a first date with a woman 4.5 months pregnant. Yeah, I know, you have questions.
A seemingly infinite array of events can unfold during a lifetime, yet countless others remain beyond the realm of possibility. Let's face it: your child can't become everything or achieve anything they dream of.