Provoked with Dr. Todd Kashdan

Provoked with Dr. Todd Kashdan

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Provoked with Dr. Todd Kashdan
Provoked with Dr. Todd Kashdan
When You’re Arguing About Pronouns, You’re Really Arguing About the Fear of Being Humiliated in Public

When You’re Arguing About Pronouns, You’re Really Arguing About the Fear of Being Humiliated in Public

One Powerful Psychological Tool to Define the Right Fight as the Way Out

Jul 15, 2025
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Provoked with Dr. Todd Kashdan
Provoked with Dr. Todd Kashdan
When You’re Arguing About Pronouns, You’re Really Arguing About the Fear of Being Humiliated in Public
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We don’t argue to understand. We argue to win. To build an invisible moat between us and the morons who don’t “get it.”

And yet most of the time, we’re not even fighting about the thing we think we’re fighting about.

We’re arguing about climate policy, or abortion, or gender-neutral bathrooms, and all the while, we’re blindfolded in a psychological boxing ring, swinging at each other’s content while ignoring the values bubbling below the beltline.

Thumbnail Image A hyper-realistic scene inside a modern elevator. A man is screaming angrily at a woman, his words and breath visibly forming waves of force. The woman stands calmly, holding a sleek, high-tech, superhero-like shield labeled 'VALUE'. The shield is made of a futuristic, semi-transparent material with a subtle glow, resembling advanced military or sci-fi tech rather than a cartoonish design. It deflects the man's words and breath, which bounce off in dramatic, visualized ripples. The elevator is sleek and metallic, with reflective surfaces and overhead lighting casting realistic shadows. The woman's expression is serene and empowered, while the man's face is contorted with rage. The atmosphere is tense but visually striking, with high detail and realism.
Yes, this shit is gendered.

This article is about stepping out of that ring to figure out which fight is worth having. Consider this psychological defensive driving in an age of identity-fueled shouting matches…

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