Are You Underestimating the Benefits of Anxiety?

I am thrilled to hear about vibrant discussions in book clubs around my work.

You can learn about each of the five - here

Let me introduce a new feature on Provoked, where I'll be responding to reader questions. To kick things off, I received an insightful question that I believe many of you can relate to. Here's an excerpt:

Dear Todd,

As I read through "The Upside of Your Dark Side" in preparation for our book club, I found the concept of finding benefits in anxiety intriguing. However, as someone who has grappled with anxiety since childhood, I still struggle to see its advantages. For me, anxiety has often felt paralyzing and limiting rather than empowering. It narrows my focus and sometimes even makes life seem overwhelming.

You wrote about the benefits of having an anxious person on the team who can keep everyone on track with project completion. Personally, I find myself yearning to rid myself of it entirely and would not want to be that "valuable" person for the team. The idea of embracing anxiety as a beneficial trait feels challenging when it's been such a significant obstacle in my life.

I'd be interested to hear your thoughts on balancing acknowledging the potential benefits of negative traits and experiences and seeking ways to manage their challenges.

Thank you for the great book and for sparking this thought-provoking discussion.

Such an important question (that I tackle frequently - click here). But I have more to say. Watch/Listen to my video answer below:

If you read one of my books and have a question, contact me on LinkedIn or:

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Rethinking Anxiety

It is hard to think about the value of anxiety because the pain is real. But it is worthwhile to think about the timeline and psychological nature of our suffering.

Our greatest pain is assumed to occur while an activity is happening when in fact, it occurs while perseverating beforehand (the anticipation period). The closer we get to the time of an event, the greater our fears loom - which is what the figure above captures.

What we fear - whether a person, thing, or event - bothers us most when we think the threat is looming towards us: intensifying via its movement through time, space, likelihood, and intensity, or other often-correlated threat values.

What I want to remind you is that the perception of looming threat is subjective and psychological. Our anxiety is primarily the result of looking threats that can involve cognitive and perceptual distortions. We make “estimation biases.”

1. We assume the probability that a “bad” event will occur is more probable than reality.

2. We assume if the “bad” event happens it will be most costly than reality - that it is worse and growing larger (as objects do that are approaching).

Slow the mind down and think about what is actually known versus predicted. Acknowledge that the anticipation is often when anxiety is worse. During the event, we can handle far more than previously thought - know as psychological immunity neglect.

Anxiety is a Painful, Superpower

Anxiety, often viewed as an undesirable quality has hidden benefits, especially in groups. Highly anxious individuals contribute significantly to group settings, particularly when it comes to detecting and reacting to threats. This can be valuable in various situations, from the workplace to social circles.

Consider four situations that elicit the value of an anxious friend or colleague.

1. Project Deadline: Your team is working on a project with a tight deadline. Everyone is feeling the pressure, but your anxious colleague is particularly concerned. They meticulously track the progress of each task, send reminders for impending deadlines, and propose solutions for any roadblocks. Their attention to detail and sense of urgency ensure the project's timely completion.

2. Planning a Trip: You're planning a trip with a group of friends. Everyone is excited and carefree about the plans, but your anxious friend takes on the role of organizer. They research the best places to visit, create a detailed itinerary, check weather forecasts, and even plan for contingencies. In case it’s an international trip, they double-check the expiry dates on passports, ensure you have bug spray, and research the local customs and safety precautions. They might seem overly cautious and even annoying, but their meticulousness prevents problems, making them invaluable for a smooth journey.

3. Health Scare: A member of your family is facing a health scare. It's a stressful time for everyone, but your anxious friend is constantly checking up on you and offering support. They research potential treatments, accompany you to doctor's appointments, and provide a listening ear when you need to talk. Their consistent support and care provide a much-needed sense of comfort.

4. Job Interview: You have a job interview coming up and you're feeling nervous. Your anxious friend offers to help you prepare, insisting on covering multiple possible questions and scenarios. They conduct mock interviews, help you fine-tune responses, and even help you pick out the perfect outfit. Their comprehensive preparation helps boost your confidence and performance in the actual interview.

Anxiety can manifest as concern for others, meticulous planning, and a heightened sense of awareness. While it's natural to gravitate towards friends who are secure and well-adjusted, having a diverse mix of friends, including those with different levels of anxiety, can be key to preventing losses and failures which set the stage for idyllic moments.

Anxiety Girl - an underappreciated superhero inside us all

Resist the temptation to get rid of anxiety when it is double-edged, causing undesirable thoughts, feelings, and sensations while also serving as a catalyst of great outcomes.

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Residual Thoughts

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Todd B. Kashdan is an author of several books including The Upside of Your Dark Side (Penguin) and The Art of Insubordination: How to Dissent and Defy Effectively (Avery/Penguin) and Professor of Psychology and Leader of The Well-Being Laboratory at George Mason University.