Want to Say the Right Thing, Avoid Mistakes, and Never Get Hurt? Read This First.
A thought experiment that exposes your priorities plus
A quick welcome to the large number of new subscribers who joined after my last post on divorce, which received quite a lot of attention (read it here). I found it interesting to learn from several adults, mostly men, who couldn’t fathom a perspective that divorce could be a net positive (read the LinkedIn comments here). That is, divorce leads to a variety of outcomes. An idea expressed eloquently by author Dr. Hendrie Weisinger:
A husband or wife who thinks their marriage is terrible is thrilled to get divorced. A husband or wife who thinks their marriage is good, loves their partner, but the partner has found someone else, will not be thrilled when they get divorce and often will respond to the divorce with depression. A woman abused is thrilled to leave; her abusive husband becomes even angrier. A woman who is financially dependent on her husband for 20 years of luxury is not going to be happy getting divorced unless she has a top notch divorce lawyer, nor is a young man who has to pay alimony and doesn't get to see his kids daily. It is great for people who get out of a bad relationship and find a better life that may or may not include a relationship and it is tough for people who didn't want to get a divorce and their life does not get better. A good example when ideographic statistics is better than nomothetic statistics.
And while you might assume divorce always produces terrible outcomes in kids, the science raises questions about this extreme hypothesis.
I cannot stress enough, your hypotheses are just that, hypotheses about whether divorce (or any event or person) is inevitably evil.
No, science does not support the idea that all adults and children will be traumatized. The number of times people say this does not change reality.
Now, if you are not a paid subscriber and are uninterested in accessing the provocative thought experiment below, enjoy an article on curiosity research, with links at the top to my other curiosity articles.
For Premium Provoked members, enjoy this thought experiment I developed for classes and workshops to help people better understand their values and sources of meaning in life. It might just be the prompt you need…
(plus get a link for the next Provoked Community Call on May 20th, 12pm EST)